Saturday, 1 March 2014

Two Go Mad In Nirn - Fun In The Elder Scrolls Beta

So why may be wondering where I might have been – 


A world of darkness and despair, where the daedric princes seek to lure the nerd into their embrace of pain! 

A world plagues with the unknowable horror of bugkind!

Two heroes step forth to step forth to stamp all the beetles! Slay all the scorpions! And crush all the mudcrabs! And take all the loot!

A place in which hardy adventurers test their might in feats of mighty endurance!

A place where many a transport is rendered useless thanks to crewmen removing the stopcock!

Where the laws of physics themselves are shifted on the whim of Sheogorath!

A place in which dreaded reports of the bug plague are delivered to the mighty lords of Ad-Min!

Mereity, twas a long and arduous journey back from the lusty woods of Betnikh, my packs weighed down with vast quantities of plundered lumber and treeflesh. Yet, I was betrayed by the Crafting Bench, who I now suspect to serve the Daedra or perhaps even fouler things. For, upon crafting with 6 stout logs of fine wood, I did receive not the level 6 shield I anticipated, but a mere level 1 bauble not fit for a stapling child. Moreover, despite this feeble armament, my packs were nonetheless 6 logs lighter of their load.

Twas a dark day, and I fear Nirn may see darker yet should these lumber thieving daemons of the crafting bench not be slain with great haste!

... And the content of which conveniently serves as an excellent delaying tactic until Castlevania 2 and Thief can be properly reviewed.


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