tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1831276194138109948.post8822100629663366034..comments2024-03-28T10:14:58.693+00:00Comments on The Good the Bad and the Insulting: Operation: Stormwalker (Warhammer 40,000 Narrative Battle Report)Bellariushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02652722543111095280noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1831276194138109948.post-35489523902573569482016-07-04T19:51:01.726+01:002016-07-04T19:51:01.726+01:00Well, glad you thought it wasn't too bad in al...Well, glad you thought it wasn't too bad in all honesty. I'll admit, it's the first time that i've done this in several years, so it seemed certain this was going to be a disaster. That said, there are reasons for most of the points you brought up, albeit not so much the typos and errors. That part was just a result of exhaustion from the prior week and a desire to get it all done in one sitting.<br /><br />Anyway, to answer your points in turn - There's actually a good reason that this is so Imperial focused, as it's merely half of the full story. You see, the idea was to have two halves of a full battle report to help cover the event, each from the perspective of their own side, or expanding upon certain points. So, for example, the introduction for the Necron Dynasty was going to be shorter, but that's because the Necron player wanted to focus upon events following this battle instead. With luck - assuming he actually sends this to me given he's already a week late, the second half will show the full picture.<br /><br />This intention to have the two crossover was part of why it does occasionally cross over into the Necron side, detailing their own thoughts and whatnot. These bits were intended to help bridge the gap between each account, and encourage people to read both. This might be a little out of place admittedly given the introduction, but given how often Imperial Armour started with in-universe details before moving onto a more standard narrative arc in certain books, it seemed forgivable in this situation. Don't get me wrong, you are right that a single narrator would have strengthened the tale considerably, but it was a difficult point to work into the tale without a having to excuse a lot of questionable political points between the Ordos and Mechanicus.<br /><br />As for the Necron Lord's death, believe it or not but that death was actually requested. The original plan was to actually have him mentally burn out and gradually go insane, but the Necron player requested the alternative for a few reasons. For starters, part of his army's background does involve failed or weakening necrodermis which has been robbed of its potency. A few books early on - notably Nightbringer - featured this as an early plot point and he apparently ran with it. It's a major driving force within his army's background, to the point where the original leaders of the Dynasty are having to contend with a sizable Destroyer Cult wanting to cut loose at every turn. Many of the models look warped or distorted in a few ways because of this, and part of his history noted that they have openly attached other Tomb Worlds to steal raw materials to overcome their own curse. This death actually plays into the ending he outlined involving the faction, ranging from the "death" of a relatively minor lord being used as a catalyst to play into the Destroyer Lord's own ambitions, and to convince the Imperium to waste a potent resource on a flawed countermeasure. Okay, it's a bit more complex than that, but i'm just going from a brief outline here.<br /><br />Still, I do thank you for taking the time to give such a detailed answer and offer your own thoughts on this retelling. It's always heartening to see such responses from you.Bellariushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02652722543111095280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1831276194138109948.post-40808990408664965652016-07-01T22:32:19.866+01:002016-07-01T22:32:19.866+01:00A pretty good job for a first effort I think, I do...A pretty good job for a first effort I think, I do have some minor criticisms though:<br /><br />It's written from an Imperial perspective, which is perfectly fine, however you sometimes jump to third person from the Necron perspective and it's a little odd, take this part for example: "It was an obvious ploy and the Necrons knew this, but they needed to press forwards..." Given that this is first presented to be an inquisitorial report it seems a little odd they'd give mention of something they couldn't confirm, and this switch in perspective isn't really done before or after this point.<br />if you wanted to keep the Imperial perspective it could easily be changed to something like this: "Though the ploy was obvious, it was also effective as Romulus had left the Xenos no option other than to press forward..."<br /><br />The next issue is the general flow, as I mentioned it's initially presented as an inquisitorial report, however after giving the relevant history and founding date, it switches to a different third person running narration, whereas usually reports just record what happens (also using past tense rather than present). There is an easy fix though, if you add in any other mention of this Inquisitor Dante examining the event after the relevant history and founding date (ie when the Necrons first appear) then you don't have to change anything you've already written, since in context it then becomes Dante's third person perspective on what happened (in essence he becomes the one giving the running narration).<br /><br />Next up, I'm not so sure of the Necron Lord aging to death, since necrodermis is self-repairing and I can't help but doubt that time would affect it like that. What I'd suggest instead is to have his mind destroyed by the rapid aging, similar to the fluff of the pre-Ward Flayed Ones (though even more so, naturally Romulus could just easily kill him after the grenade's effect expires). It still gets the same idea across, the Lord is no longer a threat, and depending on how you write it he could be even worse than useless (for example he might have suffered the equivalent of a severe lobotomy, being made into a vegetable) since the entire Tomb World would be waiting on his commands, and if he really was dead command might just shift to the next Necron in power (if he's driven insane from the grenade then that also would explain their new behaviour after he's hit by it). Another thing to mention is that their minds are supposed to be transferred back to their tomb world(s) if their bodies die anyway, and this would stop him being a threat when/if he's brought back.<br /><br />There's also minor spelling mistakes, for example "feel" instead of "fell", "waiting" instead of "wailing", not to mention "Razroback" but we all make minor mistakes and it's not enough to detract from the work.<br /><br />I do like the little touches you put in on top of the work as a whole, for example the Stronos Heresy (ultimately that's where GW's plot for them is going) and fixing which hand is the bionic hand in image #3.<br />While it's definitely not a criticism (I do like the extra effort), I'd just like to say though seeing a marine shoot lefty just looks weird since nobody models them like that, or even draws them like that (and it didn't occur to me that was the case until now).<br /><br />This is the second time I'm submitting this comment because I'm not sure if the first one went through (the usual message never appeared and the comment box disappeared), if it did then feel free to ignore this one as it's just a copy-paste of the first.grdaathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00722216755745063033noreply@blogger.com